Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Panties = found
Randomize
