He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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