Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
