Where did you get a picture of my penis
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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