Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
