apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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