Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
