I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize