Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
