There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
