my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
