her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
bring money and cleavage
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
