Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
