dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
