Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
