this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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