Your dad touched me again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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