If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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