It's Friday. Sex?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
