She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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