I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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