What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
