so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
