Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
