When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
