gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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