I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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