Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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