he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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