I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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