Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
