you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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