Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
