Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
