i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
