today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
