I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
