Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
