how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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