if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
