Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
