I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
