I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
