Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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