the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How external is "for external use only"?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize