Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
