u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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