you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
