I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
