Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This girl is more easily done than said...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
