so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
