It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When are your genitals available?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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