my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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