nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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