Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
