just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize