I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
