i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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