Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
