TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
