i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
