So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
