I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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