I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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