My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
